Photograph
by Elemmire
Summary: This is a short story about a half-blood's unrequited love for the woman who married his best friend.


Title: Photograph Synopsis: The author basically heard Jewel's Foolish Games two days ago and was mesmerized by the idea of people in despair, standing out in the rain, almost begging to be loved. This is a short story about a certain half- blood and the woman he loved dearly for more than twenty years. A post-OotP piece of fan fiction with a lot of flashbacks. (Note: I do hope this does not end up in that website featuring Summary Executions...) Disclaimer: If I owned any of these characters or the books themselves, I would not be posting any unlikely-to-happen fiction here for free. Rating: PG-13  
  
Harry Potter glanced sideways at Remus J. Lupin, who sat all by himself at the end of the wooden dining table. He was talking to no one and was only staring tiredly at a blank space behind Mrs. Weasley. Harry looked about him and watched all the others in their respective group conversations. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, together with Kingsley Shacklebolt and Tonks were talking in hushed tones at the other end of the table. Hermione, Ginny, and Bill (who had been ordered to come back immediately to Britain by his mother), as well as Fred and George were swapping jokes and antics. Their laughter would not fill the entire house. A non-poisonous spider had bitten Ron but his apparent fear of the arachnid nevertheless rendered him incapacitated for the moment in his bedroom. "If you keep up with that long face, Harry, all their efforts at cheering the place up would be a waste," a croaky voice told him. Harry did not have to turn to see it was Mundungus Fletcher. Dung, as he was called, nodded his head at the Weasley twins who had repeated an Ear-Swelling Charm for the seventy-second time. Harry then noticed that Hermione and Ginny were laughing too happily. It sounded fake. "Nothing would ever cheer this place up," Harry murmured as he glanced at Lupin again, who was now standing up to leave the table and the dining room. All talking stopped and all eyes turned to Lupin. He held up a hand to silence Mrs. Weasley and to keep her seated. "I'm just a little tired, Molly. I haven't had a lot of sleep yet. Excuse me." They all waited until he went out of the door and his footsteps echoed up the stairs. Then, Mr. Weasley said in a sad tone, "That man has been through so much. James' death, Peter's betrayal, and then Sirius---" "And Lily, too---" interjected Mrs. Weasley. She stopped when Harry lowered his head to stare at his unfinished dinner. He heard her sigh heavily and then stand up to start clearing the dishes. Fred and George stopped midway the Ear-Swelling Charm and ended up with swollen noses instead. Hermione and Ginny helped Mrs. Weasley with the clean up while Bill and the rest of the adults continued discussing about Voldemort. A few hours ago, Harry was elated when he was plucked out from Privet Drive and escorted again by the Order to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Now, he thought maybe it was not such a good idea. The place was full of memories, those he did not want to remember. Sirius was now dead. He had no one. As if like a lightning bolt, Harry was struck by a realization. How could he be so selfish? He had barely known Sirius for three years and he could not move on? Sure, he was his godfather and...? What about Lupin? He has been close friends with Harry's father way before Harry was born. Mr. Weasley was right. Lupin had been through so much---the burden of becoming a werewolf and the fact that all the people he loved were gone and never to return. And Lily, too, Harry heard Mrs. Weasley's voice. What about my mother? "What?" Harry realized he had been talking out loud. Dung wiped his chin with a napkin, looking at Harry curiously. "You don't know about your mother?" Dung whispered, glancing up to see if Mrs. Weasley or anybody else were listening in. Harry shook his head. "I don't know a lot of things about her except that she was a very good witch and that Voldemort killed her." Dung nodded his head quite vigorously. "Of course! Lily Evans was the smartest witch of her age! No one ever doubted that!" "But I already know that, Dung---" "Yes, but you don't know about her and Lupin." Harry made a wrong swallow and he ended up coughing. Mrs. Weasley, who was wiping the table, frowned at Dung. "Now, what is going on again, Dung!" If Harry was to tell her the truth, Dung would be booted out of the house and Harry would never find out whatever happened between his mother and Lupin. And Mrs. Weasley was not the type who shared adult stories with the younger generation. So Harry said weakly, "I was just about to laugh at Dung's joke..." When Mrs. Weasley was gone, Harry asked pleadingly, "What are you talking about, Dung?" Dung bent his head to Harry and whispered, "Lupin and your mother were---" He was not able to finish his statement because Mrs. Weasley came swooping down at him and telling him to stop filling Harry's head with nonsense. Even Mr. Weasley stopped talking at the ruckus his wife was causing and tried to calm her down, only to be bullied by her into getting Dung out of the house and go back to working his shift at the Ministry of Magic. Later that night, when all the others were already asleep, Harry crept out of his room, unable to sleep. As he went downstairs to get a glass of water, he heard Lupin pacing back and forth inside his bedroom. Harry thought of talking to him but it was the dead of night. He continued downstairs and heard something like a stick being snapped in two. Harry's quick reflexes enabled him to grab his wand and aim it before him into the wrinkled face of Kreacher. Harry gasped audibly and stepped away. "Lumos!" The light illuminated Kreacher's face---or his head---which was stuck on a piece of wood hanging on the wall, the last house elf head in a long line of heads down the hall. The first time he saw house elf heads on the walls of Grimmauld Place a year ago, Harry had been startled. This time, he was utterly horrified, especially when he heard Mrs. Weasley's voice say, "Remus did that, you know." He turned to look at Mrs. Weasley, who was walking towards him, a glass of water in her right hand and a broken crochet needle in the other. Harry did not speak as she handed him the glass of water. He downed the contents in one gulp and handed the empty glass back to Mrs. Weasley. She turned around and walked back in the direction of the dimly lighted living room. Harry followed and waited for her to tell him to go back to his room but she did not. Mrs. Weasley repaired her crochet needle with her wand and sat down on a velvet armchair by the fire. Harry sat down on a chair facing her. "I've only seen Remus' wrath unleashed once before," she said, going back to her crocheting. Harry sat on the edge of his seat. "Remus is a gentle person. What Kreacher had done, despite his being a bound house elf to the Blacks, made something snap inside Remus again, enough to make him behead the creature." But Harry was not interested much with what Lupin had done to Kreacher. For all anyone else knew, Harry would have loved to do the decapitation himself. Harry was more interested in knowing whatever made Remus so angry the first time. Mrs. Weasley seemed to know what Harry was thinking because she said, "When news reached him of James and Lily's deaths. He was in France at that time, supposedly hiding." "What did he do?" asked Harry. "He stopped hiding and except for Moody and Dumbledore, no other wizard has ever done battle with such fervor as Remus did against the Death Eaters. He turned into the devil." The image of gentle Professor Lupin in the midst of a Death Eater massacre entered Harry's mind. After all, James had been his friend. And so was Lily. Now what was it that Dung had told him earlier after dinner before Mrs. Weasley booted him out? "What happened between my mother and Lupin?" Mrs. Weasley stopped her needlework for a few seconds and surveyed Harry's face with her eyes. "Nothing." Harry dropped his chin to stare at the faded Persian rug when Mrs. Weasley added, "He was just smitten by her, of course." Harry abruptly raised his head to look at Mrs. Weasley, confused. "You mean to say---" She shook her head and went back to her unfinished work. "As I have said, Harry, nothing happened. It was just a phase every man and woman experiences in life. It is such a common incident among people, Wizards, Witches, or Muggles." "It sounds like my mother and Lupin's case was not such a 'common incident'," Harry told her, unconvinced. So, Mrs. Weasley dropped her crocheting needle on her lap and looked pointedly at Harry. "Harry, your mother was a special woman. Muggle-born but the best magic student that has ever come into Hogwarts after Albus Dumbledore. James Potter was immensely popular, both in and out of Hogwarts. They were the perfect pair and no one ever asked any question why they got married and started a family." "And what about Lupin?" Mrs. Weasley sighed. "Remus talked rarely. He only does so if he has something very important to say. Otherwise, he shuts up. If it had been left for me to decide, I'd have made him my Secret Keeper. He loved Lily Evans in secret. Remus never told anyone. Not James, not Sirius, and definitely not Peter Pettigrew. No one knows if he ever told Lily." "Well, if he never told anyone, how come everybody else seems to know?" Harry asked angrily, more on because Lupin, although he was a friend, fell in love with Harry's mother. Harry had grown up believing that there was only James and Lily and not Remus and Lily. He did not want to be selfish and unreasonable but Harry could not help it. Why his mother of all people? "I may not be the smartest witch in the world but I know a lot of other things, Harry," Mrs. Weasley told him calmly. "I am a grown woman. I've had seven children. I've been married for over twenty years. I know, in the look in a man's eyes and in the sleeping patterns of a woman, the beginnings and endings of love. We have seen it in Remus, after he turned in all those Death Eaters. But he never took any credit for it. He refused. Then, he went back into hiding." The fire crackled. Harry stared into the flames, unable to believe everything Mrs. Weasley told him. "I don't understand," he mumbled. "When you get older and you've truly experienced what it is to feel such passion for another person, you will understand, Harry. For now, the reason why Remus is in such a sorry state is that he has lost everything there was to lose. He owned nothing, only his friends. And now they were all gone, taken from him. What would you do if you were in his shoes, Harry? I'm sure, given what I know of your temperament, cutting off a house elf's head would give you no satisfaction whatsoever; it would never be enough." Harry did not know what to think. At the moment, he felt numb. Maybe he was being unfair, feeling a little angry with Lupin. After all, we can't choose whom we love, can we?  
  
Upstairs, behind a closed bedroom door, Remus J. Lupin sat at the foot of his bed, staring at the mantelpiece. Towering above it was a huge portrait of Sirius, who was snoring slightly. On the mantelpiece, however, were small-framed photographs Sirius had installed a few months ago.  
One was of James and Sirius riding on their broomsticks (Remus was not with them because he had Prefect duties that day), another was of their whole group, with Peter still supposedly their friend. They were standing a few paces inside the Forbidden Forest, about to jump back and run wildly into the dark. Remus stifled a chuckle as he recalled letting Hagrid take their picture and then turning around and running off into the Forest. They came back early from Hogsmeade, taking the Marauder's Map with them. The third and last framed photograph was one he had taken himself. It was a breezy Spring day, another Hogsmeade weekend. Just a few days before, the moon had been full and he transformed into the being everyone else and he, himself, hated: a werewolf. Remus stood up and touched the photograph gently with his fingers. "That would never satisfy you," he heard Sirius in the portrait. He was looking down at Remus from the high wall, a knowing smile on his face. "Just as an animate portrait of the real Sirius would never satisfy me," replied Remus curtly. Sirius snorted and looked at each of the four corners of the portrait frame. "So I really am dead, aren't I?" he asked. Remus sighed and went back to sit at the foot of his bed. "Yes. Just as you always fantasized when we were young. You died in a noble manner." "Really? Who killed me then?" "Your cousin, Bellatrix." Saying the name of the Death Eater who finished off the last true remaining friend he had pained Remus greatly. Sirius' portrait chuckled. "Is that so? I never thought the wench would ever have the guts to kill me. She always tagged along behind her mother, whining and complaining. It was always her sister Narcissa who threatened to do me in. That one was sensible, though quite deranged to marry one of the Malfoys. Unbelievable! I am dead!" "You're gone," whispered Remus. "Just like the others. Peter has gone to the other side; I don't think he will ever return. Even if he does, I don't think I could accept him again, not after what he did. And before you were James and Lily..." "Hm, so that's why! Is she the one in the portrait?" said Sirius' portrait gleefully. Remus decided to stare at the third photograph, trying without much effort the day he took it. Spring. Breeze. Lily Evans.  
  
It was a Hogsmeade weekend. All third year students and up were allowed to go to Hogsmeade. Remus, however, did not feel like joining. James, Sirius, and Peter had come into the Shrieking Shack by way of the Whomping Willow and urged him to join them. But Remus said no. Barely had forty-eight hours elapsed since he was a werewolf and he was dead tired and weak. He would probably faint if he went. James and Sirius, wanting to get a barrel of butterbeer before rigorous classes start again, did not persuade him much longer and headed off towards the quaint little town. Peter tagged along behind them. Remus thought he could pass time inside the shack by himself, reading the books James had brought for him to study during the days he missed going to lessons. But the deafening sound of laughter and gaiety made Remus sadder and feel weaker that he decided to get out of the shack and go back to Hogwarts. Still limping a little and not bothering to change his tattered and shabby clothing, Remus edged out from under the Whomping Willow and ran haltingly towards the castle. "Remus Lupin?" He stopped walking, a few paces from the castle steps. Remus turned his head and saw a girl seated on the fifth step. She stood up and Remus noticed that she was wrapped in a thick and fluffy and pink woolen coat, which made her look like an upright pillow. A Gryffindor scarf was wrapped around her neck, hiding her mouth down to her chin from view and a rather large and also pink ski cap was lodged sideways on her head. Her eyes blinked wildly at him. "My goodness, it is Remus!" she exclaimed. She ran (or rather, bounced) towards him, stopping right in front of him. Remus instinctively stepped back, a bit uncertain. She was a Gryffindor but he was clueless as to who she was. He stared at the pink Gryffindor blankly. He was also very cold and the cold breeze was not helping him. But even though he was on the verge of collapsing from it, he could not turn his back on the girl. That would too rude. "Oh, gee! You're cold! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed again and she hurriedly unbuttoned her pink coat. "L-Look, y-you d-d-don't have t-to g-give me t-that---" Remus started to say but she had already taken off the coat and draped it around him so that seconds later he felt warmer and better. He noticed she was wearing another one under the pink coat; this time it was bright yellow. After she had wrapped the coat around him, she adjusted her Gryffindor scarf and Remus finally recognized who she was. "L-Lily E-Evans?" A pair of bright green eyes peeked under wisps of messed up brown hair and smiled at him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him inside the empty castle, except for Filch who was patrolling the corridors. Before Filch could find them out, she dragged Remus off to the left and through a series of passages until they reached a secluded spot near the Great Lake. The Giant Squid surfaced and waved a huge tentacle at them. Lily waved back and it disappeared back into the icy waters. "W-What are you doing here?" asked Remus, unable to comprehend how he had the unlucky encounter. Not that he thought Lily was unlucky. She was both smart and beautiful. And extremely generous and kind. Remus' hand impulsively went to his disheveled hair and tried fixing it down. When Lily saw what he was doing, she laughed and ran her hand through his hair. Remus felt his goose bumps rise. When his hair was all right, Lily stepped back and surveyed him. "You're lucky you weren't cursed with Potter's hair," she said. Remus stifled the urge to tell her James deliberately messed his hair up to score with girls. "And to answer your question, I still have enough candy from both Hogsmeade last weekend and from my family last Christmas that I don't see the point of wasting any more money for even more candy. I've been to my dentist and she advised me to limit my sugar intake." Then, Lily walked over to a large boulder and sat on it, staring out at the lake. Remus had never seen an actual dentist before but he had a vague idea of one as a Healer who specialized with teeth. In the Muggle world, of course. He stood transfixed on the spot. How and why did Fate leave him alone with Lily Evans? Lily turned her head and looked at Remus, amused. "Pink looks good on you. Gives you a little bit more life and color. Why are you still standing there, Remus? This boulder's for public use, you know." He knew she meant for him to sit with her but Remus' feet would not budge from where he stood. In his head, he could see and hear James excitedly telling him, "I'm in love with Lily Evans! I'm in love with Lily Evans!" "Did you say something?" she asked, frowning slightly. Remus gulped. He must have sait it out loud. "Er, no." Lily grinned. "Well, since you seem not to mind standing there, why don't you take my picture?" Remus gave her a blank stare, which made Lily laugh. She pulled out her wand, said an incantation he did not understand and poof! A camera materialized in his hands. Remus looked from her to the camera, then back again. Lily turned slightly to his left so he could have an angled view of her face. "Just press the black button at the right when I'm ready, which I am," she said, grinning at the tree to Remus' left. A muscle twitched below Remus' left eye. He held the camera up to his face and stepped a little to the side and pressed the black button. Two seconds later, a moving photograph of Lily dropped out from the camera onto the ground. He picked it up and started to walk towards Lily when she shouted, "No!" He stopped, feeling that he had made her angry about the picture. "Don't go yet! I want another one for my grandmother!" So Remus backtracked and took another shot. "Okay, you can come here now," she said. He walked back to the boulder and sat down beside her. He handed her the pictures. "Thanks but you hold the camera first. You won't know when you'll need to take more pictures." They both sat in silence, gazing out at the tranquil lake. There was no sound to be heard except the chirping of birds and the distant noise of wood being chopped by Hagrid. "How are you, Remus?" Lily suddenly asked. Startled by the question, Remus did not reply quickly. "Er, fine. I was just a bit sick for the past few days that's why I've been missing classes but my grades are cool---" Lily smiled kindly at him and Remus felt his heart skip a beat. "I know you're a werewolf." Two beats. "You've been hiding yourself in the Shrieking Shack since first year every time the full moon's out." Three beats. "And if you're found out, Albus Dumbledore nor the famous James Potter and Sirius Black would never be able to stop the Ministry from getting you expelled." Four beats. And a falling blood pressure. "But your secret's safe with me, don't worry." Lily patted Remus' shoulder. Remus sighed with relief. "How did you know?" he asked, amazed. Lily winked. "I've read enough books and followed you a lot of times to deduce what was happening. Believe it or not, I have marked with green ink all the days you have been and will be a werewolf for the next two years of our stay here in Hogwarts." Thoroughly stunned and flabbergasted, Remus could not say anything. He could only think that Lily Evans was not known as the Witch Whiz for nothing. Feeling a little bit more bravely, he smiled widely and asked, "And why would you have reason to follow us, then?" "You promise not to tell?" Remus nodded. "I promise." She giggled and bent her head a bit lower to whisper, "Sirius Black!" Remus burst out laughing and Lily feigned being offended. She pouted. Remus tried to control his laughter but could not. "What's so funny?" He coughed a bit to stall his amusement. "N-Nothing, really. Just that more than half of the female population in Hogwarts fancies themselves in love with Sirius Black! For a smart witch, you are a silly girl!" Lily's hands went to her hips and she sat up straighter. "So? What's wrong with that?" Shaking his head, Remus told her, "Sirius is not the type who's serious about anything, let alone such matters of the heart." Lily could only sigh. "I guess you're right. Growing up in a family like he has could do much damage to establishing relationships with other people." Remus had stopped laughing. She suddenly asked him, "And you? No one you fancy?" This time, the cough was real. He cleared his throat. "I barely have time in between being a human being, trying to get by my Prefect duties, and transforming into a dreaded monster monthly." "You're not a monster," said Lily quickly, looking into his eyes. "Besides, I bet a lot of girls out there are probably are into you." Remus snorted. Lily shook his arm. "No, really! I'm not kidding!" "Everybody likes Sirius," he said dejectedly. "Not everybody marries men like Sirius, who according to a sage, is not serious. Seriously," she said to Remus, grinning. "You're the type who gets the girl in the end, pleases her parents, fathers twenty children, and lives a good life." "In case you've forgotten, I'm a werewolf," added Remus, picking at invisible lint on the sleeve of the pink coat. "To kill myself would be to any parent's pleasure." "Don't say that!" Lily scolded, standing up. Remus followed suit. "I don't like hearing anybody, especially you, saying things like that!" He held up his hands in apology. "All right, all right! I was only kidding..." "There's nothing funny about killing yourself!" "Lily, I promise, I won't ever decide to kill myself. I would never, ever even joke about it again. Keep your hair on!" She calmed down a little and walked away from the boulder. Remus walked alongside her by the bank. "Sorry I barked on you," she softly said. "I'm a little queasy when it comes to death." "Sorry for joking about it," replied Remus. "I didn't know you felt strongly against the idea. I'm sorry I ruined your day..." Lily laughed quietly. "You know, I was quite regretting not going to Hogsmeade earlier today. I wanted to follow after---" "So that's why you were all wrapped up!" exclaimed Remus. She nodded. "But you came along from the direction of the Whomping Willow and I knew where you'd been." Lily stopped walking and faced him, an excited gleam in her green eyes. For a moment, Remus was mesmerized, as if by a spell, that he did not catch what Lily was saying about studying... "I'm sorry, what?" "Study partners! We're Gryffindors, right? Same year level, right? I thought that maybe on some days we could meet at the library or common room and study together! I'm not much good in practical magic but Professor McGonagall says that you are! But if you're not up to it, that's all right-- -" "No! That would be lovely!" he said only too expectantly. She smiled up at him. The bell tolled the hour and Remus knew it would only be a matter of minutes before the whole castle would be teeming with students and teachers alike. She then asked him to take another solo picture of him, which he did. He was surprised when afterwards Lily took the camera from him, pushed some buttons on it and enchanted it to make it levitate. Lily pulled him beside her and with their faces close together, she whispered, "Smile, my dear friend."  
  
"She was quite a hellfire, wasn't she?" remarked Sirius from the portrait. Remus tore his eyes away from Lily's photograph in front of the castle steps and looked up at the seventeen-year-old imitation of his recently deceased friend. "I'm surprised you kept her picture all these years," said Remus drolly. Lily had made him promise that day to give the picture to Sirius so he did.  
  
"This is not the one you gave to me," said Sirius, pouting. "Kreacher had been rummaging through my school stuff with Mother's blessing and when he found her picture, Mother ordered the Mudblood photograph be burned." Remus frowned. "Then what's this doing here?" Sirius sighed. "Well, when I was still alive and James and Lily had just been killed by Voldemort, I had to go back to their house and see for myself. I saw the picture. It was the only one of Lily's so I took it." "I wonder what happened to that other picture," Remus muttered. "Didn't you have one yourself?" asked Sirius. "I did. Apparently, I ate it while I was a werewolf." "And what do you think of these lovely things here on the mantelpiece?" Remus smiled sadly. "I never told Sirius but I guess he knew enough to include her." "And what of Harry?" Remus shook his head vehemently. "The boy could not know and must not know. I don't want to lose him either. He won't understand." "For James and Lily's son, you give him not much faith." Running a hand through his graying hair, Remus stared outside the window. It was raining.  
  
Now I know why Lupin was not in any of my parents' wedding pictures or in any of my baptism ones, thought Harry. It must have been a great pain for Lupin to bear witness in an event that probably quashed his hopes of getting the woman of his dreams so he never went to any of those. Harry felt somewhat triumphant, only to feel mildly sick for even thinking such things about Lupin. The kind professor has done so much for Harry, including saving his life countless of times and being there for him when he needed a calm and wise conversation. Mrs. Weasley's head now hung down on her chest. She was fast asleep. Harry covered her with a blanket he found on the rug and tiptoed back to his room. He opened his trunk, pulled out a leather-bound photograph album Hagrid gave him for his birthday and sat on the bed...  
  
Many years passed after he graduated from Hogwarts but Remus never forgot Lily's kindness towards him and their friendship, built over countless hours of studying together that James and the rest of the school, thought they were an item. Yet when Remus thought he was ready to tell her how he felt, James invited him, Sirius, and Peter for a drink at the Leaky Cauldron and told them that he and Lily were finally engaged. Being James' friend, Remus swallowed his whisky and congratulated him sincerely. He did feel disappointed and a little sad but only when Remus got home did he realize what had happened and pain, as it had never existed, shot through him like an arrow. No, make it a hundred arrows. During those years, Voldemort had risen to power and was reportedly killing off witches and wizards who refused to join him. Remus heard of Dumbledore forming a special group of Aurors and brave witches and wizards who were willing to work as spies and soldiers against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. With nothing to lose, Remus joined. He was not surprised to see Sirius or even Peter but he was shocked to see James and his wife, Lily who was well on her way to having their first child. "Remus!" exclaimed James, engulfing Remus in a bear hug. When they parted, James said, "Long time no see, old friend!" "Old, yes," said Remus drily. James and Sirius laughed. Peter was late for the meeting Dumbledore scheduled. "How are you?" "Good, good," answered James. Remus looked him over and thought that James had the look and physique of a very happy man. "You weren't there during my wedding, mate! How's that when Lily scheduled the date to not coincide with you-know-what-I'm talking about?" "Yeah! Why weren't you there?" asked Sirius. Remus smiled slightly and glanced at Lily who was at the other side of the room, talking to Alice Longbottom, who was just as pregnant as she was. "Special mission from Dumbledore," Remus lied. He did not like lying to his friends' faces but he would do anything to keep their friendship intact. Even to the point of isolating himself from them. "You're not allowed to tell us?" asked James, disappointed. "Well, while you were drifting off to seventh heaven with Lily, Remus has gone up the ranks in Dumbledore's eyes," explained Sirius, chuckling. Remus laughed silently. In truth, there was not a special mission. He had been at the wedding but he was invisible. Years back, James had let him borrow his Invisibility Cloak and Remus had forgotten to return it. He decided to use it on their wedding day. One day, he'd give it back anonymously. "Are you boys talking about me again?" Lily asked, standing beside James, a glass of milk in her hand. James wrapped his arm around her shoulders and beamed down at her. Remus looked away and took a long swig of butterbeer. "No, just Remus here who has taken first place in Dumbledore's eyes," said James, kissing the top of her head. Lily smiled up at Remus who did not smile back. "It really isn't a wonder," said Lily, continuing to smile at Remus who was dying to leave the spot and be as far away from her as possible. "It would, however, be much of a shock if it turned out to be either you or Sirius." Both men stared at Lily in disbelief. Lily laughed. "I'd give Peter a lot more credit than you two dunderheads." James growled. "If you weren't my wife, I'd have strangled you. I didn't marry you to insult me or my friends!" "That's right!" Sirius added. "How unfortunate for you, James Potter, you married a witch," said Lily, winking at Remus. "Now would you condone such attitude, Remus?" asked James, trying to find help in Remus. But Remus said only too quickly, "Look, I have to talk to Sturgis Podmore about something important. I'll catch up with you later." Remus literally ran away from them and halted Sturgis Podmore who was on his way to the men's room. His friends stared after him. When Albus Dumbledore arrived with the senior members of the Order of the Phoenix, people sat down on plush-cushioned seats they conjured and they sat grouped wherever they wanted. Some had brought beach umbrellas and sat on blankets laid out on beach sand in the middle of the hall. Others had installed swimming pools, bathtubs, tanning machines, cages, bullet train cars, and even submarines. James, Sirius, Lily, the Longbottoms, and the very late Peter sat together a little far from the platform where Albus Dumbledore stood. Remus sat down with Sturgis and the Weasley couple around a round table right in front of Dumbledore. For the whole meeting, Remus did not look or pay the slightest attention to James' group. He would nod to the others but he never met Lily's eyes again. So that after the meeting and during cocktails, while Remus' three friends went off to speak with other members of the Order, Lily approached Remus who was alone by a corner, watching everybody else but her. "What in the world is your problem?" asked Lily angrily. She was discreet enough to keep her voice down but maintained it laced with anger and confusion. Remus stopped staring at the back of Arthur Weasley's bright orange hair to look at Lily. "Oh don't look at me like you're bored or that you have no idea of what I'm saying!" she hissed. "You're not a stupid man and you know I'm not stupid!" Remus frowned slightly. He did not mean to make her angry or feel left out. He just could not bear to see her. "You're getting yourself worked up for nothing, Lily. I'm just a little tired and I have a lot to do, so..." "Remus!" Alastor Moody waved at him from a table, where he was seated beside Minerva McGonagall and Rubeus Hagrid. Remus raised his eyebrows at them and told Lily, "I have to go." After the cocktails, it was time to go back to their homes and their positions. But Remus made sure that he left before anyone noticed. James and Sirius were befuddled. Lily was unusually quiet. Unknown to Remus, Lily wanted to know why he was acting strangely and so she had no choice but to ask Peter Pettigrew what was the matter as both James and Sirius were also clueless. Peter was muttering to himself unintelligible words, as he was wont to do lately. He also seemed distracted and jumpy so when Lily tapped his shoulder gently, Peter almost screamed. "Peter, calm down! I'm not Voldemort!" At the mention of his name, Peter positively shook and the blood drained from his face. "Are you all right, Peter?" "D-Don't say that name! It's evil!" Lily pursed her lips apologetically. A lot of witches and wizards no longer liked hearing the Dark Lord's name being mentioned as it were. "I'm sorry, Peter. I just wanted to know what's up with Remus! He's being very cruel to me lately and---" "Cruel?" Peter squeaked in a rat-like voice. "Can you blame a man for being so? Had James not been his friend..." Peter realized he had said just too much and he scampered off away from her. Lily, staring after Peter, broke out in cold sweat and she started not feeling well. She approached James who was having an animated conversation with Sirius and Molly Weasley. "Lily, what's wrong?" "I'm not feeling well, James," she whispered, rubbing her temples. "I want to lie down---" "Okay, okay, we're going home," James said, nodding to Sirius and Molly. "I'll see you some other day, mate." "Sure. You take care of Lily first." "I'm sorry," said Lily. Molly Weasley rubbed Lily's back. "It's normal when you're expecting," she said gently. Sirius kissed Lily's cheek, saying, "Too bad Remus took off again without saying goodbye." Lily smiled weakly, not knowing what to think or say of the realization that hit her. She would probably not see Remus J. Lupin again.  
  
"You never saw her again?" asked Sirius' portrait. Remus looked at the clock. It was already four in the early morning but he still could not sleep. "No. Yes," he answered. "Why?" "Because I had to," said Remus loudly, annoyed. Sirius snorted. "Sounds dramatic," drawled Sirius, scratching his chin. "I could just imagine you standing outside in the rain, at her doorstep, when she comes out and talks to you---" "I think that's enough," said Remus in a dead tone and Sirius shut up.  
  
Sirius' portrait guessed or imagined right. Almost a year after Lily had a child, the Death Eaters found out about Remus and his werewolf blood. They meant to use him and some have tried to ensnare him into joining them. But Remus' will was stronger than theirs and he managed to escape barely. Albus Dumbledore had cautioned him and advised him to go into hiding. Yet he could not disappear without seeing her. The clouds were heavy and the rain poured down in torrents when Remus reached the road fronting the Potters' house. He stood there and debated with himself if he should knock and talk to Lily or just be content watching her shadow move back and forth beyond the lighted windows as she held her child in her arms. Remus decided to not disturb her peaceful existence and just leave when he heard the front door open. "Remus?" He stopped and turned around. Lily's eyes widened and she was one foot outside the door, her arms outstretched to him. "Remus! What are you doing out there in the rain!" Before Remus could say anything, she stepped out of the house and under the rain. She held his hand and tried pulling him back into the house when he said, "No, Lily! I can't!" Lily looked at him like he suddenly sprouted a Death Eater's face. "I came here to say goodbye!" Lily frowned. She, like Remus, was now heavily drenched with rainwater. She wrapped her arms around her and Remus placed his hands on her arms. "You should go back in! I didn't mean---" "Didn't mean what?" asked Lily, terrified of what Remus was saying. "You're crazy! You've gone bonkers! I'm not going in if you're not coming! I'm standing right here with you!" He shook her. "I have to go, Lily! Maybe for good. Where I am seen, I am in danger as well as the people around me. I cannot risk that!" "Go?! What for? I-I d-don't understand! Where would y-you go?" "I'm going into hiding, Lily," he explained. "Voldemort and his allies have found out about me. Dumbledore has advised me to do so, much as I don't like the idea of it. But if it means protecting the people I love, I would gladly die." He looked into Lily's eyes, stared at them, long and hard. Lily sniffed and framed his thin and gaunt face with her hands. She smiled sadly at him. "Don't say that, Remus. I made you promise never to say that, remember? Now, let's go in and I'll fix you a cup of hot tea and then we'll talk about it. I'll go get James. You know him, always reading upstairs---" "They already know, I've told them days before," said Remus. "I told them I'd be gone by this time." Lily shook her head violently. "J-James wants you a-and Sirius t-to be H-Harry's g-godfathers," she stuttered. Remus smiled but the effect gave his face a pained expression. "I'd have been honored but I can't. It's complicated, Lily. All I know and understand right now is that I have to go and never come back until Voldemort has been apprehended." They looked at each other for a long time before Lily said, "I know everything now, Remus. There's nothing to be ashamed of. But you will always be my dearest friend. Promise me you will come back." "I ca---" Lily pressed her hands tightly on his cheeks. "Promise!" "I promise." "If something ever happens to either me or James or even Sirius and Peter, you would come back and take care of Harry, would you?" "I promise!" Lily smiled and Remus saw the tears in her eyes mix with the rain as they flowed down her cheeks.. Remus held her close to him and whispered lovingly in her ear, "I won't be able to say the words. I don't have the right. Rest assured, you will always be in my thoughts, silly girl." Following his instincts, Remus kissed her lips gently and dragged her towards the door. Lily was crying. Then, with one last lingering look, Remus Disapparated. While Remus disappeared totally and for the last time before Lily, James had gone down the stairs when he heard Harry crying in his crib. But when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw a water-drenched Lily coming in the front door, gasping and shaking. "Lily!" James ran to his wife and caught her just as she fell to the floor. "Lily! Why? What were you doing outside in the rain? Bloody hell, you're cold!" James took Lily in his arms and he soon realized that she was not gasping because of the cold but because she was crying so hard she could not breathe. "What's the matter, Lily?" "H-He's gone, James! He's n-not c-coming back! He's gone! He's gone! He promised he'd come back for Harry b-but I felt it in my h-heart that h-he would n-never come home a-again! Oh James! Why can't you help him? Why c- can't you?!" Lily wept bitterly, soaking his shirt with her salty tears and the rain from her clothes and hair. James did not know what to say to his wife. He had an idea of who she saw outside; He was as distraught as she was. Remus Lupin had to leave for his own sake. They had talked days before about his leaving and that there was no other way. Remus said he was doing it for Harry. But James never knew what feelings or emotions Remus had for Lily and so was confused about her obvious distress. But if there was one thing he knew with as much certainty as Lily did, it was that they would never see Remus J. Lupin again for as long as they lived.  
  
"Told you it was dramatic," said Sirius, yawning. The sun had supposedly risen but the dark clouds and continuously pouring rain obliterated the light. Remus sat in brooding silence. "Tell you what, mate, why don't you get a shower first? I guarantee you'll be feeling spiffy after." Remus nodded, standing up. "Yes, I'll take you up on that."  
  
Harry fell asleep while looking at the pictures in the album. He rubbed his eyes, yawned and stretched. Then, he started to get out of bed when he lost his balance and fell on the open album. His elbow scratched onto the inside of the back cover and the covering tore open. "Great," Harry muttered. He sighed heavily and was about to get the cover repaired with his wand when he saw something sticking out from under it. Harry adjusted his eyeglasses and pulled it out gently. It was a photograph. Two large and very happy faces Harry fairly recognized. Harry bolted out of his bedroom and ran to Lupin's own. Without knocking, Harry went in but Lupin was not around. About to leave, something caught Harry's eye by the wall. Slowly, he walked in further and stopped in front of the mantelpiece. There he saw framed pictures of his father, Sirius, Peter, and Lupin. Harry also saw the one with his mother. He looked at the photograph in his hand. His teenage mother with a teenage Remus Lupin, the both of them laughing up at Harry. Lily blew him a kiss and Remus winked. Harry turned it over and saw, written in a fluid script that could only belong to a female hand:  
Remus J. Lupin and Yours Truly  
Friends for Life "Nice pair, weren't they?" Sirius' portrait told him. "A strange twist of Fate, that's what I'd call it." Harry went out of the room, his blood pounding in his head, and rushed downstairs, only to find the front door open and Lupin standing out in the rain, facing the house, his eyes closed. "Lupin! What are you doing out there in the rain?!" Harry exclaimed. Remus opened his eyes and for a moment, saw Lily's green ones glaring out at him. From where he was standing, he could make out a photograph of him and Lily. Spring. Breeze. He froze, looking at Harry. He held up his hands, as if to beg Harry to understand. "I loved your mother, Harry! I did but I loved James, too! He was my friend, first of all! I had to choose but it was impossible for me to love Lily less! That's why I had to go, Harry! There! I've said it Lily!" Like a whisper, he said, "I've said it." Remus' arms fell to his sides. He expected Harry to lunge at him and hate him. "Impervius!" Harry shouted. Remus glanced up and was highly surprised to see Harry walking out into the rain to hold his arm. He handed Remus the waterproof photograph. Remus looked at Harry in confusion. "You're the last person who knew my mother well, Uncle Remus," Harry told a very astonished Lupin. "And you're going to tell me more about her while we have breakfast. Now, come on in and get dry!" Harry did not notice a bunch of red hair sticking out the doorway cautiously. "HARRY! REMUS! WHAT IN BLOODY HELL ARE THE TWO OF YOU DOING OUT THERE IN THIS AWFUL WEATHER!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked, inevitably waking the whole house up. The howls of Sirius' mother's portrait could be heard outside the place. Remus nodded and patted Harry's shoulder. He grinned. "Yes, I have loads to tell you, Harry. And come to think of it, I am feeling a little bit hungry!" Harry and Remus laughed and side-by-side, they walked back into the house, with Mrs. Weasley sputtering about them wetting the newly waxed floors. "So you're not mad at me or anything?" asked Remus. Harry shook his head. "Why should I be? Somehow, knowing that another living person in the world loved my mother makes me feel less alone." Remus nodded and gave Harry a bear hug. "You're all I have now, Harry. I'm not going to lose you like I lost your parents and Sirius, or even Peter." "No, you won't. I promise." Harry added. "Promise me you won't die on me." Remus paused, unable to answer. Then, he said determinedly, "I promise I won't die on you, Harry Potter." "You really can't dry off with just body heat, you know," drawled Hermione, who has just woken up. Harry and Remus parted from each other and sprayed Hermione with water. She sputtered. "What's going on?" asked a groggy Ron. When Ron received a splash of ice old water on his face, Ron asked indignantly, "What was that for?" "Just a wake up spray! Uncle Remus, duck!" Harry shouted as Hermione waved her wand conjured a bucket of water to turn upside down on Harry and Remus. The shock at hearing Harry call Remus his 'uncle' froze Hermione and Ron and so instead they were the ones drenched in water. Thus, all throughout the morning, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was a haven of havoc and laughter and never-ending wiping and drying and cleaning. No one minded that Mrs. Weasley was hoarse from shouting and that Mrs. Black kept on repeating the same 'filth' mantra. Harry was having fun and more importantly, so was Remus. There was no reason to feel jealous for his father because Harry knew even James would have understood. He only hoped that his mother also watch over Remus. Harry believed in the huge capacity for his mother to love. That she managed to befriend a werewolf on her own and influence his life, convinced Harry that it was her love that made Harry survive Voldemort's initial attack on him. Watching Remus, one thing became clear to Harry. He would always be there for him. To stay. A friend forever.  
finis 


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